Keeping that in mind, the specifics of people and places matter less than the mental or emotional details. Writing with the understanding that even if the reaction to this place and time might resemble indifference - some might describe the feeling as anhedonia-a very visceral and emotional reaction could result from revisiting one’s thoughts and feelings at a time when addiction is winning. Usually, the circumstances surrounding this state of mind involve potentially trauma-inducing elements. The worldview of anyone sitting at their rock bottom paints a bleak and understandably cynical outlook. In a way, if people were more in tune with the constantly changing nature of their own mood and perspective, beliefs might be more fluid - an attitude reinforced by the act of writing a letter to oneself. After all, most people navigate their own lives with the assumption that they will remain steadfast in their convictions. At any given time, detailing the truth of one’s own specific situation might seem obvious, perhaps even redundant. Many people differ in their guidelines and tips for writing journal entries or addressing a letter to a “future self,” but the central tenet should be pursuing the truth of the moment above all else. At other times, when these reminders can feel overwhelming, they are out of sight and out of mind. When it is time to be reminded of these memories, the letter serves as a time capsule, preserved in a non-central space - both cognitively and physically. Like a box of old photos, this letter can provide a portal to the past without occupying an overwhelming mental burden for the recovering individual. The simplistic brilliance of addressing a letter to the future resides in the portability of the message. Writing a letter that contains the unfiltered truth about the nature of one’s particular addiction can act as a temporary reminder of a difficult period, without the distorted perspective applied through the passage of time. The guilt of rock bottom can be crippling, but so can the denial of former transgressions. Moving on is important, but living a life of fulfillment requires forgiving oneself for the past. Too often during recovery, individuals yearn to completely forget the past. The Ugly Truth of My Addiction WRITING A LETTER TO YOUR FUTURE SELF Before that happens, I know what to expect from my own habits, and how they can isolate me from those closest to me. I will continue on this path until making the decision to give up using and take actionable steps to empower my recovery. For this reason, I will be dishonest, disrespectful, and desperate in the perpetual attempt to suffocate the absence of self-care that I feel on a daily basis. I am using these substances and people as substances because I do not feel up to the task of caring for myself. When I am actively using, I am not only using substances, but I am using the goodwill and empathy of others. The way I treat others is up to me, and me alone. My behavior will always reflect a desire, or the suppression of a desire, to use.
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